Party Time! NNNNOOOOO!
by swimmy123
Summary: What happens when Alice decides that Bella needs a party? A very, very bad day for Bella! One-shot


**Disclaimer: Jeez, would you stop asking. Obviously, I don't own anything Twilight (though I have an evil plan to fix that- did I just write that!- never mind- no evil plan, NONE!) Wow, this is getting corny, and slightly insane. I think I should just stop talking now. Ok, bye! Wait, read the story, don't leave. Just ignore this, I'm ranting!**

Party Time! NNNOOOO!!

Alice was bouncing up and down with such excitement that I wasn't sure whether or not she would hit the roof. I could tell that tonight was going to be bad.

After several weeks-worth of guilt trips, Alice had finally gotten my consent for a bachelorette party. I now was facing the consequence of that decision.

Alice had a full night of "fun" lined up for me. One of the biggest problems with this was that she refused to tell me her plans, and Edward wouldn't even tell me. Of course, he had a bachelor party scheduled, and he seemed to be dreading that almost as much as me. I think it had something to do with his family all blocking there thoughts with nursery rhymes the entire week, which kind of scared him.

"OK, Edward, if you don't leave right now, I might just have to force you to go shopping with Bella and I for the last-minute wedding stuff," Alice warned.

"Alice," Edward moaned. I heard Alice give an indignant humph, and then she said, "Fine, but make it quick. You both have a big night ahead of you!"

Edward cupped my chin in his hands and lifted my face so that he could bring his lips to mine. I felt our kiss coming dangerously near the point of no return, and my self control slipping.

"Edward, Bella, don't even think about what just came into your future. If either of you try to miss these parties with _that_, then I might just have to bring everyone up to your room and have Emmet knock down the door. I'm sure Charlie would be very upset seeing what I currently am, actually, I know he will be!" Alice said.

"Oh, really, so Bella, you had made the same decision as me to go up to my room tonight," Edward asked with amusement and a bit of genuine curiosity in his eyes. I blushed furiously.

Then, Emmet burst into the house screaming for Edward. I heard Edward sigh next to me.

"OK, shoo, go to your own party and let me have Bella," Alice chirped. I began to feel more nervous about the impending torture Alice surely had ready for me.

With another sigh and a quick peck on the cheek, Edward turned and followed Emmet out the door. I now stood in a room with only Alice, who was hyperactively jumping up and down.

Then, Rosalie swept into the room with her usual scowl. Ever since our conversation a while ago, we had been closer to friends than ever before, but Rosalie was still having some trouble getting over her long-held grudge. That's why I was slightly more frightened by the idea that she would be a part of the party.

The doorbell rang, and I was about to go answer it, but Alice ran ahead of me, so excited that she couldn't quite control her vampire speed. The door was flung open to reveal Renee and my only human bride's maid, Angela. Esme was now also standing in the room. The party was now complete, and soon Alice's plans would begin.

Alice began to lead us to her and Jasper's bedroom. When she opened the door, Angela, Renee, and I all gasped.

In her room, she had five movie-star mirrors with the bright lights all around them. Next to each she had a table with so many beauty supplies it was insane. The door to her walk-in closet was wide open with six tables with clothing and accessories. There also seemed to be a sink with a cushy chair pulled up to it that oddly reminded me of something, but I wasn't sure what. This took makeovers to the next level! That level was a place I NEVER wanted to be.

"ALICE!!" I screamed and angry tears were burning into my eyes, trying to escape. She smiled up at me so innocently that I suddenly felt bad for my sudden outburst. I then saw a wide grin form on her face and she began to explain what everything was.

"There are five makeover areas. The first one right here" she pointed to one, "is the eye station. There is eyeliner and eye shadow and mascara galore. Next is the lips station, where there is lip gloss and liner. Then, there is the general complexion table, where you'll find blush and cover-up and what-not. After that is the polish station, where you paint your toenails and fingernails."

Ignoring the final mirror station, she walked to the sink, that I noticed were highly cushioned and had many products behind them. I gasped as I realized what they were. They were salon washing stations.

"This is where we'll wash your hair in preparation for the next station." She then led us back to the other mirror. "This is the hair station. You can cut, blow-dry, or do whatever to your hair here. Finally, there are the dressing stations."

She happily walked over to the other side of the room and pointed to each of the stations saying, "Tops. Pants. Dresses. Shoes. Purses. Other accessories, like head band, etc."

I had to get out of here. I would not survive. Why had I let Edward go? I needed him! I started peeking around, looking for a get-away.

"I know what you're thinking Bella. Don't try me." Alice calmly stated. Stupid psychic vampire!

"Now, since there are three of you that all will be getting the treatment, we have filled Rosalie's and Esme's rooms exactly the same way!" Alice chirped.

"Wait, so this is just for one of us?" I asked nervously.

"Of course! Edward is right, you are silly. Do you really think that we could get all three of you in front of that mirror?" Alice again spoke incredibly cheerfully. "Ok, so, since we have to split up, I've already decided who is going to do whose make-up. Esme will be doing Renee's, Rosalie will be doing Angela's, and I, of course, will do Bella's," she squealed. It was going to be a long night.

Renee asked Alice, "Oh, but don't you girls want makeovers too?"

"No, we're fine. We've done this to each other so many times that it's hardly even fun anymore." Alice replied.

Then, she grabbed my hand and dragged me to the sink to begin the torture.

"Please, Alice, don't do this." I begged. She just smiled.

Then, she plunged my head into the basin and started the shower-head that was spreading water through my hair. It felt nice, whether or not I would ever admit it, so I let her. She shampooed and conditioned, then led me to the hair station. I let her do what she wanted; though I knew I didn't have any choice anyway. I might have been nervous, but I knew Edward might just kill her if she tried to make me a blond or something.

The rest of the makeover went on, and I found myself just sitting and waiting for Alice to finally be finished. She picked out my outfit and everything.

Finally, I was done. I looked into the mirror, and admittedly, Alice had worked magic. I looked stunning!

The rest of the party walked into the room happily. The others also looked stunning. Well, Rosalie and Esme always did, but I hardly recognized Renee and Angela. Now everyone was getting giggly because it was time for the presents. I wondered what horror I was in store for.

"Now, we decided that we would buy all of your gifts as a group," Esme said, looking almost giddy.

Alice ran up to me and gave me the first box. I carefully opened the wrapping paper and gingerly opened the lid when my mouth dropped. Inside was a beautiful blue, the same color Edward had once complemented, piece of lingerie.

"I will never wear this," I told them.

"Of course you will. Think of what Edward will do when he sees you in this! He can hardly keep himself off of you when you're in a t-shirt and jeans!" Alice smiled happily. I glared at her.

"Ooooohh, next present Bella!" her enthusiasm could not be stopped as she practically threw me the next gift. I sighed heavily, and then opened it.

My cheeks burned from blushing so hard. The next "outfit" was black and lacy. I doubted that it would cover any part of me. The thought was both pleasing and slightly disturbing.

Before I could say anything, though, Alice had handed me the next gift. I opened the lid to find a lacy white thong and matching bra.

"It's for after the wedding, when you'll be in the wedding dress. And possibly be doing some important things, at which time, this'll come in handy." Alice said. If I didn't already look like a tomato, my most recent blush made sure I did.

The final box was thrown at me. I opened it angrily and found a pair of costume boots and a cowboy hat. "In case you like role-play," Rosalie said. My jaw had just about dropped to the floor by this point. I noticed that everyone was laughing furiously and got angry.

Then, my mom managed to stifle the giggles enough to speak. "Bella, when Alice first told me that you and Edward were both still virgins, I did not believe her. It took her about thirty minutes for her to finally convince me. Therefore, I think that if you're going to wait that long, you should at least do your first time right. I mean, with proper lingerie and everything." The giggles took hold again. I sat with my arms crossed until they stopped.

"Are we done now!?" I almost yelled at Alice.

"Not quite. I'll have you know that Edward is most likely having a much worse time than you right now! The boys let Emmet have control, and his gifts were much worse than ours. At least ours will actually be useful," Alice said indignantly. My eyes widened for my fiancé's sake.

Then, I heard a knock on the door. This time, Alice let me get it. As I walked to the door, I heard them all giggle again.

I opened it to find a police officer. "Hello, I'm Sgt. Meyers of the Seattle Police Department. I have a few questions to ask you in the main room." Uh-oh. Had someone found out about the Cullens? Did they find out about something they stole or maybe what happened in Phoenix? My mind buzzed with ideas. Then, something totally unexpected happened.

Esme started up some sexy-sounding music, and the officer tore off his shirt. Then, he continued to remove items of clothing. I realized that he was not from the police. I also realized where he was from. He was a stripper. I was going to kill Alice!

I really wanted to turn away from the stripper, but I felt like a deer-in-the-headlights. I couldn't move. As I watched in horror, I thought of Edward. I wondered if he'd be furious.

Then, I noticed that the stripper was coming toward me. I gave Alice a frightened look, but she just laughed. Suddenly, I could move again, I heard myself scream. Then, I got up and ran to Edward's room. My plan was to wait there until he got home.

Downstairs, they shut off the music. I could hear as Alice apologized, then paid off the stripper.

While she did this, I heard the door slam loudly behind someone. Then, I heard his beautiful voice, filled with terrifying anger. I heard the rest of Edward's party walk in after him.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHY DID YOU DO THAT, EMMET? WHY WOULD ANYONE LET EMMET PLAN A BACHELOR PARTY!? WHERE'S Bella?"

"Oh, she, um, ran upstairs to your, um, room, when, um, a, the, a, stripper, um…"

"WHAT STRIPPER!!" he screamed. I smiled, Alice was in trouble now.

"Shouldn't you go upstairs to Bella now?" Rosalie made a quick save.

Then I heard Edward walking up the stairs, and finally opening the door. When I saw him, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off me. I couldn't contain my excitement; I ran to him and kissed him deeply. He seemed surprised, but willing. His arms encircled me and he pulled me closer. We were completely oblivious to the outside world.

Then, I heard someone cough and I remembered that both of my parents were in the house. I unwillingly pulled away to see Charlie standing in the doorway looking beat red. He was furious. He had seen probably almost the whole kiss. Edward stiffened beside me, and I felt like my cheeks were on fire. Charlie grunted in our directions then walked away.

We followed him downstairs where Alice seemed to be having trouble containing her laughter. I shot her a dirty look.

Emmet stood beside her, grinning to himself. Then he said, "I think that you should show each other your gifts." He was really excited, which made me nervous.

"Sounds good, I think we'll head back up and do that." I said, trying to avoid what Emmet would say when he saw my lingerie, and also trying to save Edward from having to see what he would be thinking when he saw it.

"Not a chance, young lady, will I let you back up to _his_ bedroom alone after what I just saw." Charlie almost yelled.

"Fine," I grudgingly went and grabbed my presents to show Edward. He seemed even more nervous than me, which meant that they had given him something bad.

"You first," he smiled his crooked smile and I was so dazzled that I simply obeyed. I showed him the blue piece and he stared at it, obviously envisioning me in it. I blushed. Emmet hooted, and Edward smacked him. "Your turn," I said softly through my embarrassment, and then I felt a wave of calm spread through me and knew it was from Jasper.

I noticed Edward looking up at me, begging me with his eyes to not make him. "Not a choice, Love. I showed you mine." He tried to act nonchalant as he pulled out a whip. "OH. MY. GOD!!" I yelled, and then I smacked Emmet, too. It stung, so I told Edward to smack Emmet for me; he did it rather cheerfully.

Edward then turned to me, "I think that we can agree that we'll wait to show off the rest of our gifts until later on."

"Definitely," I agreed. I heard Emmet groan


End file.
